I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
