we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm too high and old for this...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
