i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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