i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
