I wish i was in the wii world.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
