I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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