Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love you.
Bad choice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize