I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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