What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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