i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
