Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got her a Nickelback box set.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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