If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
