**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
