i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The best revenge is premature balding
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
