I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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