The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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