Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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