Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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