Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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