sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As shirtless as possible
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
