Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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