I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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