Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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