ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize