I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
