if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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