in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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