i permit you to call me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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