fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
