First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
