Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
