Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
