Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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