You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
