I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize