The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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