it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
