As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
