Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
