i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she told me i tasted like america
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
