Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Randomize
