This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
