i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
