Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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