She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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