You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pants are for mortals
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
