Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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