I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
