I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
