I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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