so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
