I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
