A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize