you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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