We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
