I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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