Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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