I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize