You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
