HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
