Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So here I am, sexting at work.
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