I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
