WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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