she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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