the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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