Someone shit on the floor
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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