he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
