he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
