Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
